kembali

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kembali
aku kembali,
pada sudut kamar untuk meringkuk lagi
menatap kosong menunggu pagi
tapi aku tau, cukup berhenti di dini hari

"...sebenernya bahagia gitu, nyaman juga, tapi....."

pakai titik yang panjang

"rasanya ga sayang sama pacarnya."

nya itu maksudnya ku
kalau perlu diartikan
------

detik itupun, mimpiku mulai lenyap
bukan mimpi untuk diriku, karena belum kubangun
tapi mimpi denganmu yang mungkin menyamai atau melebihi burj khalifa
sudah runtuh perlahan-lahan, tiap lantainya

lihat esok hari apakah akan direnovasi atau tetap runtuh
------

tapi lagi-lagi, kenapa yang kutemui pesan yang demikian?
kenapa tidak ada,
"aku bersyukur banget punya dia"
atau apa apa yang diucapkan didepanku
mungkin memang hanya 'ucapan'
karena kau pandai melukis kata


01.54 AM
9/2/2020
[heart beat slowing down - i don't wanna die - but i feel like dying]

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