Vehement

After graduating, you should be able to present yourself in an interview for a job. you need to build your personal branding, and your virtue, therefore you are seen as a fulfilling person.  In this phase, when asked about anything, I could never be confident in my answers. I always think of people's judgment about my answer. On anything. Especially when asked about myself.  Do I want coffee or chocolate? I could never be sure of my answers, Do I want to go to Coste or Darbe? I don't know which one is better at the moment, Do I want to go back to Jogja or find a job elsewhere? I want both! I never exactly know what I want right now, let alone my desire.  Even Slavoj Zizek ruined my mind, he said that "We never really want what we desire." Bullshit to realities, bullshit to fantasies, can I just be alone?

 when in pressure,  I feel like, I can't move. not only physically, but also mentally. I wanted to step out and be braver and let my mouth speaks whatever words I want to say. But I was never able to do so. But I really wanted to.  It's like I wanted to defend myself, but when I defended myself, that's where I got myself too self-centric. Too selfish. Too Ms. Know It All and then there I am, a destroyer of mood, of situation, and everything that's harming. When in pressure, who should I prioritize? what should I prioritize? Tried to calm myself, I've managed that. But not my brain, my mind. It's like a disconnected wifi. I'm not functioning well. Therefore, I spent around 3 hours of doing nothing in Darbe Cafe. Unable to focus. Can I just  Never mind.  When in pressure, you should never accommodate your wants and needs. You are not that matter.